The Fundamental Difference between the Right and the Left.

These were just too good not to share.. for educational purposes, of course. :-)


THE BARBER

One day a florist goes to a barber for a haircut. After the cut he asked about his bill and the barber replies: 'I'm sorry, I cannot accept money from you; I'm doing community service this week.' The florist is pleased and leaves the shop. Next morning when the barber goes to open his shop, there is a thank you card and a dozen roses waiting for him at his door.

Later, a cop comes in for a haircut, and when he goes to pay his bill the barber again replies: 'I'm sorry, I cannot accept money from you; I'm doing community service this week.' The cop is happy and leaves the shop. Next morning when the barber goes to open up there is a thank you card and a dozen donuts waiting for him at his door.

Later a Republican comes in for a haircut, and when he goes to pay his bill the barber again replies: 'I'm sorry, I cannot accept money from you; I'm doing community service this week.' The Republican is very happy and leaves the shop. Next morning when the barber goes to open, there is a thank you card and a gift certificate for lunch at a nearby restaurant.

Then a Democrat comes in for a haircut, and when he goes to pay his bill the barber again replies: 'I'm sorry, I cannot accept money from you; I'm doing community service this week.' The Democrat is very happy and leaves the shop. The next morning when the barber goes to open up,there are a dozen Democrats lined up waiting for a free haircut.


JESUS IN THE RESTAURANT

A Republican in a wheelchair entered a restaurant one afternoon and asked the waitress for a cup of coffee. The Republican looked across the restaurant and asked, "Is that Jesus sitting over there?" The waitress nodded "yes," so the Republican requested that she give Jesus a cup of coffee, on him.

The next patron to come in was a Libertarian with a hunched back. He shuffled over to a booth, painfully sat down, and asked the waitress for a cup of hot tea. He also glanced across the restaurant and asked, "Is that Jesus over there?" The waitress nodded, so the Libertarian asked her to give Jesus a cup of hot tea, "My treat."

The third patron to come into the restaurant was a Democrat on crutches. He hobbled over to a booth, sat down and hollered, "Hey there, honey! How's about gettin' me a cold Miller Light?" He, too, looked across the restaurant and asked, "Is that God's boy over there?" The waitress once more nodded, so the Democrat directed her to give Jesus a cold beer. "On my bill," he said.

As Jesus got up to leave, he passed by the Republican, touched him and said, "For your kindness, you are healed."

The Republican felt the strength come back into his legs, got up, and danced a jig out the door.

Jesus also passed by the Libertarian, touched him and said, "For your kindness, you are healed." The Libertarian felt his back straightening up, and he raised his hands, praised the Lord and did a series of back flips out the door.

Then Jesus walked towards the Democrat. The Democrat jumped up and yelled, "Don't you dare touch me... I'm collecting disability."


HELPING THE HOMELESS

A Republican and a Democrat were walking down the street when they came to a homeless person. The Republican gave the homeless person his business card and told him to come to his business for a job. He then took twenty dollars out of his pocket and gave it to the homeless person.

The Democrat was very impressed, and when they came to another homeless person, he decided to help. He walked over to the homeless person and gave him directions to the welfare office. He then reached into the Republican's pocket and gave the homeless person fifty dollars.


FATHER/DAUGHTER CHAT

A young woman was about to finish her first year of college. Like so many others her age she considered herself to be a very liberal Democrat and had grown to be in strong favor for the distribution of all wealth in America.

She felt deeply ashamed that her father was a rather staunch conservative which she expressed openly. One day she was challenging her father on his beliefs and his opposition to higher taxes on the rich &more welfare programs.

In the middle of her heartfelt diatribe based upon the lectures she had from her far left professors at her school, he stopped her and asked her point blank, how she was doing in school. She answered rather haughtily that she had a 4.0 GPA, and let him know that it was tough to maintain. That she had to study all the time, never had time to go out and party like other people she knew. She didn’t even have time for a boyfriend and didn’t really have many college friends because of spending all her time studying. That she was taking a more difficult curriculum.

Her father listened and then asked, “How is your friend Mary.”She replied, “Mary is barely getting by,” she continued, “all she has is barely a 2.0 GPA,” adding, “and all she takes are easy classes and she never studies.” But to explain further she continued emotionally, “But Mary is so very popular on campus, college for her is a blast, she goes to all the parties all the time and very often doesn’t even show up for classes because she is too hung over.”

Her father then asked his daughter, “Why don’t you go to the Dean’s office and ask him to deduct a 1.0 off your 4.0 GPA and give it to her friend who only had a 2.0?” He continued, “That way you will both have a 3.0GPA and certainly that would be a fair equal distribution of GPA.”

The daughter visibly shocked by the fathers suggestion angrily fired back, “That wouldn’t be fair! I worked really hard for mine, I did without and Mary has done little or nothing, she played while I worked real hard!”

The father slowly stood, patted his daughter on the back, smiled and said, “Welcome to the Republican Party.”


Althought these are jokes, it cuts a little to close to the bone doesn't it?!